I haven't written in a while.  Not that anyone'd notice.

They still haven't delivered my Griffin & Sabine boxed set.  I think I lost my excitement, it's taking so long.  So, uhm...

Think I should get a haircut, my hair is way too long.  It's now halfway down my back.  I look like an elf, except I'm way too...uhm...cute to be an elf.  Plus, my ears are too small.

They're too small, in fact, that ordinary earphones either hurt my ears or easily slip out.  So on the question of headphones or earphones (I saw this while reading a friend's post in Friendster©), I choose headphones.  Or earphones, if they're really tiny (like the pair I bought at CDR-King...they're what, about half a centimeter in diameter, with flexible rubber thingamajigs that fit halfway inside each ear.  If I had a choice, though, I'd choose a really nice sound system - one with 5.1 speakers and a subwoofer - any day.  I like listening to music and ambient sound.  Besides, I don't really like going "What?" everytime someone says something.  I already say "What?" enough as it is.

Anyway, I was supposed to go to this rock concert with an old colleague, but decided to spend Friday night home.  (I'm sorry, Jeffrey.  I really am.)

You know, I should really get myself out of this rut.

Now this thing - this rut - I really can't explain what it is.  I guess it's the bland taste in your mouth even after brushing your teeth twice.  It's like looking at your reflection in the mirror and seeing grey spots on your nose.  You try to wipe your nose clean, but the grey spots don't come off, so you just stare at the grey stain and mutter about concealers and facial moisturizers...

This rut makes you say that the glass is half-empty, and you believe that if you're happy today, you'll be sad tomorrow, so you try to suppress your happiness lest something bad happens...you know?

I had one of these philosophical discussions with my siblings a few weeks ago.  We were discussing about heaven, hell and purgatory (don't ask me how we got to talking about that, I don't remember either) and my sister said, "What if this is already hell and we don't know it?"  So we threw ideas around for a bit.  Then I said, "What if it's the opposite?  What if this is heaven and we just don't know that this is as good as it gets?"  They thought about it, chucked the idea, and went back to dissing contestants on Pinoy Dream Academy.

So, I'm rambling again.


(Truth is, I'm thinking about someone far away...does he think of me sometimes?  Should I just resign myself to the fact that I'll be north of nowhere and he'll be south of somewhere for the rest of our lives?  It's sad, that phrase, 'for the rest of our lives.'  I wonder if I'll ever see him again.)

Should buy myself a car, for those moments that I burst into song (happens quite often...and yes, people look at me like I'm retarded or something.)

I like this...



...because it's as old as I am.  It's also smooth and chubby, just like me.  *grins*

Sometimes I get to thinking why I am the way I am.  I see most of my friends getting married and having kids or travelling all over the country, all over the world, and here I am trying to save up for my first car.  ...I'm not even serious about the saving part.  Maybe I'll buy a car, maybe I'll buy a laptop, or a bike, or a house.

It should be easy, right?  You grow up, you meet the love of your life, you make babies, you stop working, you make more babies, you attend PTAs and bingo socials and talk about soap operas and other mundane things.  Or you travel the world and upload thousands of photos so others will know you've been there, you've done that.

Is that all there is to it?  Somehow, I think I'm missing out on something.  ...I read this book a long time ago, and one character said something about the futility of life.  What is it about, really? 

Nice.

*hums the Indiana Jones theme song*